Lately I have been feeling really negative. I constantly want to die, it never leaves my mind, I'm not sure what to do...I mean I don't want to commit suicide, I just want to die of an accident or natural causes sooner rather than later...
It doesn't help that I am in a relationship I don't even want to be in...I haven't ended in though because I feel guilty, he came and spent Christmas with me and now he plans on moving here on July 27th, but I don't want him to and I told him that. I think he thinks I am joking. I told him that once he finishes school he should move to Mississippi with him family instead of moving back here.
I don't know how I feel towards him I just know that I don't want to be with him. He too pushy and needy. He's social and outgoing and I am the complete opposite. I just want to end things. He's really pushy with sex too, he wants to have it all the time, but I would rather just cuddle and go to bed. I don't really know much about being Asexual...but I think I am. I don't want sex. I don't feel a need to have sex. I mean it feels great but I would rather just take care of that myself, I don't really want to have sex. I know none of you, if anyone is reading this, wants to know about that, I just hope that maybe if someone is reading this and they know more about what being asexual really is they could help me figure that out because I just feel like there is something wrong with me all around.
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