Where of where have my pain meds gone, down the toilet my mother flushed

In 2012 I was in a car accident right? Yea. And so now I have 3 herniated discs, what fun. Yea. No. I have chronic pain at all times of the day, I don't sleep great because if I stay still too long it hurts. If I move it hurts. If I sit it hurts. If I stand it hurts. If I lay down it hurts. If I don't move it hurts. If I take meds it hurts. If I don't take meds it hurts. I get shocks in my back and legs, I get sharp pains in my back, neck, legs, and arms. I have nerve pain all the dam time and I don't enjoy it. I have tried pain meds, I have tried spinal injections, I have tried physical therapy. They have not helped. I was put on Norco and that was the only thing that really helped, however I became addicted. After a few months of my growing addiction my mother found out when she saw me at church popping pill after pill, over and over. When I didn't take the pills it would hurt so bad, I would ache, and I would get a really bad headache. I was irritable when I wasn't taking medication. I couldn't help it I was in so much pain and nothing was really helping but overdosing on my medication. My mom took the rest of my Norco and flushed it. Hence the title of this post. The withdrawals were so bad though I couldn't take it, so I started buying pills, trading pills, selling other medications, and I continued to pop pills. This time however I didn't always know what I was taking. I started taking 30-40 pills a day. It was getting really bad. Now I regret it because ever since I haven't been right in the head. I can't concentrate or even comprehend most things people tell me. I became withdrawn and socially awkward. I have a stuttering problem now and my hands are constantly shaking. I don't have the control over my body that I used to. That's a problem for me because now I am limited in what I can do.

Every once and a while I am able to get my hands on a few norco, and I feel better when taking them, but it never is enough, the withdrawals come back, the headaches don't stop, my body aches, and I can't sleep...That's when I start thinking "one more, one more and I'll be ok, just one more," but one more turns into 2 more, and 5 more and 10 more and so on...I have a problem and I am trying to work through it...I started my addiction because I couldn't handle the pain. Today I battle my addiction because now I can't face the fact that I will always be in pain, and because when I am on those pills I feel like everything will be ok again, like I can finally breathe. Many people don't understand that...but an addiction as serious as taking pills is the same as an addiction of even little things...addictions take control and they leave you in the passenger seat of your life, I don't want to let my addiction win...Do you?